Verbose Silence
by Becky Sky
Summary: I feel a sudden urge to hold him; to be sure he is real. For some reason he seems to be a fleeting gift of life, something that may not last forever. I stop running and stick out my lips in a pout. I know he’ll come to me. He always does.
1. Chapter 1

Renesmee

**A/n: Please review! I'm writing a novel, so anything to help better my style is very much appreciated!:)**

I'm special. That's what Edward and Bella say- or Mom and Dad. I never call them that. It doesn't seem right. I mean, I'm six years old now- nearly an adult. And they always looked too young to be parents: pale skin, gorgeous amber eyes- forever young, forever beautiful. Vampires.

Me, I'm partially vampire, partially human. Don't ask how that works. I asked Mom one day, and she tried to explain it- it's gross. Too gross.

I'm on my bed now, reading, playing with my long curly copper hair that tumbles annoyingly across my shoulders. I can't feel the wind on my neck when I run, can't feel its caress. Nobody knows that I want to cut it off.

A husky, dog smell wafts into the room from the hallway. I look up to see my best friend Jake standing in the doorway, smiling widely. His shaggy raven black hair sweeps across his shoulders and his russet brown eyes sparkle whenever he's looking at me. It makes me feel attractive. He never looks at anyone else that way. Never. Just me, his Nessie.

It makes me wonder…

"Hey Ness," he says, bounding across the room and bouncing onto my bed like a child. I smile at him, reaching out my hand to stroke his cheek. I hardly ever speak normally. Usually I like to speak with thoughts, memories.

I want to go for a walk in the woods.

Pushing this thought towards his skin, the demand burning my fingertips, I can feel his pulsating blood underneath my hand. I can see the thought through his eyes: a memory of us laughing and running, trees rushing past us. Me tripping, him grabbing me around the waist, supporting me. Our faces close together as he struggles not to drop me. His leathery smell floating up my nostrils, down my throat, into my stomach. It warms me, sends a tingling sensation right through my body to my toes.

"Teenage clumsiness," he said that time, making up excuses for me.

"Walk?" he asks now.

I nod, smiling at him. Then I crouch teasingly, prepared to spring. It's a game we love to play: cat and mouse. I'm the cat. He's the mouse.

He shrieks like a girl and rushes for the door, squeaking for my benefit. I'm right behind him, snarling and galloping.

The whitewashed walls surround us as we careen through the hall, tipping over one of Esme's tables as we round a corner, knocking off a vase. The smash of shattering glass reverberates throughout the house. I can hear Esme's exasperated sigh from the kitchen where she's cooking lasagne for me. Surprisingly it's quite good, though not as yummy as blood.

"Stop roughhousing, dog!" Rosalie shouts from downstairs where she's watching a movie. Emmett is curled up with her; I can hear his bad joke through the carpeted floor.

"Too bad, leech!" Jacob shouts back, shooting me a ragged smile. I laugh; a tinkling sound that seems too loud in the quiet. Sometimes it unnerves me, being the only thing that really breathes in this house when my Jacob isn't here. The only thing whose heart is beating.

I feel a sudden urge to hold him; to be sure he is real. For some reason he seems to be a fleeting gift of life, something that may not last forever. I stop running and stick out my lips in a pout. I know he'll come to me. He always does.

I'm right. He halts. He turns; a confused look on his face. Then, resigned to have the game end so soon, he wanders towards me. But before he can reach me, I spring, flying through the air, arms and legs stretched like a flying squirrel I saw in a book once. He's so startled that when our bodies collide, he doesn't stop me when I hold on tight. When we crash to the floor, me on top of him, hugging him for all I'm worth. Then he's hugging me back, hand rubbing soothing circles into my skin.

His husky smell is so close, so real. I don't understand this sudden urge to be touching him.

"What was that about?" he murmurs into my ear, his warm breath causing gooseflesh to crawl across my skin.

How do you describe the feeling of being without Jacob? Rushing through my memoirs in my head, I realize I have never been without him for more than a few hours. I touch his face, portray my naptimes.

He frowns. "Naptime?" he asks, confused. "You haven't had that since you were one."

I shake my head impatiently. He has to understand! He always has understood what I'm feeling! Why not now? Can't he read in my eyes that I just want to know he's always going to be here? That it's something words can't express?

I try my voice, clearing my throat. "I just want to make sure…" It's hoarse from disuse. My words trail off. It sounds ugly. My voice sounds ugly. Horrible. I don't want to be hideous in any way, not in front of my Jacob.

"What?" he asks urgently, taking my face in his hands. He's so near, it's making my head spin. I get the sudden urge to bite him, just to get my thoughts in order. I grab his hand, forcing his finger into my mouth. I bite down gently. He doesn't even flinch.

The salty, rusty liquid erupts in my mouth, causing me to gag. I hate the taste of Jacob's blood but for the fact that it clears my head. It just tastes too… wolfish. It ruins the human taste of him. Which is perfect, because I wouldn't want to end up eating my best friend. I already know humans are off limits, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming about the sweet, flowery smell of their blood, swishing back and forth in my mouth. So delicious. If Bella and Edward knew, they'd be relieved from their thoughts that I'm dreaming about boys. I can hear their vexed voices whenever they think I'm not listening, wondering what, or who, I'm dreaming of.

"Nessie?" Jake's strained voice interrupts my thoughts. It appears I'm stilling sucking on his finger. I spit it out, smiling sheepishly at him. My hands are on his chest, my hair trailing in his eyes. I suppose I should get up, but I just feel so comfortable, so right. I lay my head on his chest, hear his breathing hitch in surprise. Hear his low, muttered curse. "Crap."

I smile to myself. He's probably wondering what Edward will think if he finds us. Already I can hear his soft, liquid foot hasting towards us through the floorboards. Jake can probably smell him. I don't really care. Edward knows we're just friends; that that is all we'll ever be. I mean, how can Jake, my Jacob, ever want me as anything else? I mean, I'm half vampire, he's practically a werewolf. We don't belong together. That's what Leah told me once, when she was really angry, really sad. I feel sorry for her. It seems she's still searching for someone, just like I am. Just like Jake will when I'm grown up and I can't have him anymore. He'll find someone else to be with all the time, and I'll have to watch him fall in love.

I don't understand why Edward begrudges me the little time I do have with Jake. He's my best friend. Even though he might always be here, he won't always be all mine. I wonder, even now, why he hasn't started searching… am I that captivating a friend?

My eyelashes flutter closed, tickling my cheek. Before I am fully unconscious, though, my hand on my Jacob's cheek, I feel his hold on me tighten, just a little. What does that mean?

Jake

Renesmee's so angelic, sleeping here on my chest. Her intervallic light, even breaths blowing into my face, brushing a few stray strands of my hair out of my eyes. I'm afraid she'll disappear, she's so perfect, something only found in storybooks. I find it hard to believe I ever felt something for Bella. She pales in comparison to Nessie, seems so… inconsequential. I long for her to open her eyes, just so I can drown in their chocolate depths. They're so much deeper than Bella's were, so much so that I feel they hold an ocean of secrets.

Her long, pale body is right against mine, here on the floor of the hall, where anybody can walk by, anybody can tell Edward and get my throat ripped out.

"Renesmee," I whisper, just to hear her name, just to hear the honey-sweetness of it on my tongue. She's too beautiful for me, it's not fair that she's stuck with me. And yet she's still here, still willing to love me.

I run my fingers through her copper curls, twisting them around my fingers. She sighs and smiles in her sleep. I wonder what she's dreaming about. Then, suddenly, it hits me in a wave of colour and light. Crimson swishes through my brain, the taste of flowers and yogurt materializing in my mouth. I recoil, spitting and coughing. Blood. Dammit. She's dreaming of human blood. Not me, not any other boy who ogles at her whenever we walk downtown.

I'm glad, yet frustrated at the same time. It's a guilty pleasure to be with her now, so close and personal.

"Jake." Edward is not happy.

"Edward, please," I plead quietly, for more of my own sake than hers. "Let her sleep."

"Put her in her room. In her bed." Since Nessie had turned five, she's been given her own room in the big house. She hated hearing Edward and Bella at night, said it grossed her out. No wonder. Living that close to your parents would creep me out too. "Then, leave."

"Edward, she's six years old. She's almost full-grown. She's equivalent to a seventeen year old."

"Physically. But she's still innocent."

"How do you know?" I snap.

He shoots me a look. Oh yeah. He's a mind reader. Duh. "I think I'd know if my own daughter was still… pure," he says icily.

"But you don't know to let her go," I say angrily.

Edward's amber eyes flashed furiously. "I just want more time with my baby," he says. "I want Bella to have more time too."

His gaze sears into Nessie's head, and she stirs in her sleep, her mouth puckering like she is sucking a lemon. It is so cute that my heart stutters. A low growl rips through Edward's lips.

"What? You said I could have her." His eyes narrow. Okay, that came out all wrong. "I mean, you said that you didn't mind."

"When the time came!" he hisses. "But it hasn't!"

"How do you know?" I roar.

"Has she ever told you she loves you?" he says softly, but so forcefully that it's like a slap.

Anger at him flushes through my veins. How can he assume that she doesn't love me? Doesn't she? The wolf in me is writhing in agony, trying desperately to tear through my skin. I gasp and scramble to my feet, dumping Nessie to the ground.

"What?" she starts out of sleep, her mouth forming an ideal little 'o'. "Jake?"

Her voice cuts through my hatred, like light through darkness, but for some reason that just makes me angrier. Couldn't Edward hear the adoration in her voice? Or was I making it up?

"Jake?" she repeats, lurching to her feet, staggering a few steps. She hardly ever talks, but now she is, quickly, scared.

I have frightened her. Now I'm angry at myself, for causing her wide, petrified eyes, gawking mouth. The anger causes the button on my jean to pop as I grow, shedding my skin for fur. She reaches for me, but I recoil, afraid to hurt her perfect hide. My form is bursting through my humanness, roaring and growling viciously.

Instead of running away like she should, she leaps at me, just as Edward screams, "NO!"

Or is that me?


	2. Chapter 2

Renesmee

**A/n: Please review! :)**

It all happens too quickly. At first, Jacob is thrashing in pain, his dark face contorted into that of a tormented man. I'm so aghast at what's happened. I need to hold him, help him get better. He shouldn't be so sad, so wretched, and so unhappy. He deserves to smile all the time, to have better days. Tears slide down my cheeks; I want to make him blissful again, to see him as he always is: my Jacob, serene and calm and smiling and beautiful. Too beautiful. More beautiful than me, and that's saying a lot. So he can attract someone who will love his splendour, who will cherish it and take care of it.

I hurdle out at him, light as a feather. Then, he just explodes, fur blasting out of skin, fangs jutting out of teeth, wolf rampantly tearing out of man. I scream as his long, sharp claws swipe at my face, I look at his eyes, black with rage. Jacob Black. My best friend, the one whom has always been here, is trying to hurt me.

I feel betrayed. I feel… angry. Disgusted, at myself, at him, for loving me, for abusing me in this way. Hate me for being so silly, for not seeing the signs. But were there any? Has Jake been simmering in resentment for long? It can't be possible this is a werewolf thing, just changing so hideously from one second to the next. Edward and Bella would have told me… right?

His claws scrape my skin, leaving jagged scars that will not heal my broken soul, my revulsion-filled skin. I hate him.

A snarl rips through my lips, and then, in the fraction of a second that it takes humans to blink, I'm attacking my best friend- attacking a part of myself.

As I make contact with his fur, I feel so grotesque and ugly- inside and out. As his blood spurts onto my face, smearing it with its revolting stench and oozing cling- I grimace and growl, scratching him with my teeth. I've never used my teeth to hurt him before- not on purpose. Not to see blood trickle down his cheek, to feel the flutter of my stomach, the ache of bloodlust in my throat… For the first time ever, I want to suck his blood. I hate him so much, I want to suck the life out of his damned, cursed, body. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!

"You go girl, get the stupid dog!" Rosalie mutters in satisfaction somewhere behind me. A crowd has gathered, consisting of my terrified mother, father, aunts, and two darling uncles. And Esme. For some reason, Esme just seems too motherly to be a Grandmother. Only Carlisle sits me on his knee and reminisces about olden days like he's wrinkled and hunched.

"Rose," Emmett scolds, but I can hear the exhilaration in his voice- he loves a fight. But he doesn't know that this is going a lot farther than just a lover's spat like between him and Aunt Rose. This is a lot more.

"Nessie, stop!" Bella yells, lunging for me. Edward grabs her around the waist, murmuring in her ear.

"You can't stop her, love. Nobody can. Only her."

"I'm strong enough," Bella insists, struggling against his hold. But her newborn status has evaporated, and she goes limp in his hands. I've noticed that Bella is the weakest of all of us- I wonder if it's because she's the youngest full vampire, or she was the weakest as a human.

She could probably stop me, though.

"Stop it, Edward, let me go!" my mother pleads, throat hitching in a dry sob.

"You'll hurt her, love. No."

"She'll kill Jake."

"We'll see." I can hear the irksome doubt in his voice. He doesn't think I am strong enough to do it. That only makes me all the more livid.

The odium surges through my veins, fuelling every strike, every kick, every bite, like a drug- it's making me light-headed and dizzy. Each gulp of his blood makes me thirstier- I can feel his body slumping, his very soul leaking through each hair follicle.

Then, as the end nears, a memory, vicious in its magnificence, assaults my mind. It's vivid and real, brought forth by my own subconscious:

_I am a year old, equivalent to two or three year old. I'm playing in a sandbox, dumping sand into a bucket and crowing in delight at the feel of sand between my toes. The forest rustles around me, ominous and threatening. Rain begins to fall; fat, plump drops collect on my pale cheeks. _

_Mama? I wonder. Where's Mama?_

_Mama is nowhere in sight, off hunting for the day. Rosalie and Emmett are holed up inside, spending quality time while I play. But I want to go inside now- why isn't anybody here?_

_Tears skim my skin, mingling with the rain. The skies are grey and rumbling, lightning splitting them like fragments of glass. The loud, piercing noise frightens me. It reminds me too much of humans: noisy, jostling things that like to laugh raucously. I only love a few of them; family and friends. The rest are as foreign as Aro, scary and menacing. _

_As I weep silently, waiting in dread for something horrible to happen, a large shadow casts across the sandbox. I start and yelp, trembling. _

"_Shhh. Nessie, it's Jacob." Large, hot hands pick me up, cradle me like a lamb. I sigh, comforted by his closeness, gentle touch. The huskiness of his voice caresses my eardrums, singing a lullaby in a creaking tone like an ancient rocking chair. Although he has no talent, the sheer kindness and love in his words causes me to smile and relax in his arms. _

_Reaching a hand to his cheek, I give him a memory of a hug, and a whispered thank you from mother. He understands. _

_He always does. _

As though from a trance, I snap alert. I realize what I'm doing in a cloud of confusion and alarm. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Jake!

"Jake!" I scream, staring at my bloodstained hands. He whimpers, struggling to get to his feet. His body buckles, and he crashes to the floor. His fur is matted with blood. I feel my cheek. Three scratched line its creases, but other than that, I am not harmed.

Guilt rushes through me like a flood. Trembling, I kneel beside him, shaking him. Get up, I think. Get up, get up, get up. I run my fingers through his pelt, tears and snot running down my face. I swipe it with the back of my arm, too terrified to worry about it being disgusting. Burying my face in his hide, I weep soundlessly.

I'm the monster. That's what I've learned from this whole experience. I'm a horrid, bloodsucking monster. Who else attacks their best friend? Jake must have had a reason. He's too wonderful to ever do it on purpose. He was always too good for me.

Hey God, I think. I'd do anything if I could become a human. So I could be more equal with Jake, so I couldn't hurt him…

Would he love me then? Would I love myself? Would I be able to be better than all say I am?

Jake is stirring. I'm so afraid to face him, see the melancholy, the distress about my actions. He'll be so disappointed in me. I'm scared to see the judgement, the thought of having to leave for safety…

In front of all who love me, I rise to my feet, cringe like a dog, and flee the scene, a coward as well as a monster. I suppose one's roots can be blamed, but I've never seen any of my family loose control. Except me. From what I know, that's a horrible thing.

I'm such a fiend.

And now, the moment when I want to hate him for making me hate myself, I realize something… he's not just my Jacob anymore.

He's much more, more than I can describe, more than I can handle. I need space. I need room to breathe.

Jake

Ughh. I feel like crap. Dammit, that girl can throw a punch. And a bite. Stupid leech Emmett probably taught her a thing or two behind my back. Curse him to the pits of hell and back. I hope he burns there whenever he's ripped apart into pieces. Maybe I'll do the honours myself one day, whenever I feel alive again.

I hope I didn't hurt Nessie.

Bella

Watching my best friend and daughter fight like that is gruesome; it brings back human memories of vampires snarling and fighting- over my life. It reminds me of things I want to forget.

I clutch Edward tightly, his wonderful smell calming me down just a little, but not enough to stop me from straining against his hold like a dog at the end of its leash. "Please," I whisper. "Let me save him."

Jake is slumped on the ground in a pool of blood, the scent stabbing my senses like a cruel, sharp knife. Rosalie is grimacing.

"Okay, she didn't have to make it that bloody. It stinks in here." How can she be so crude? Jake, my friend, Renesmee's love, is DYING!

I snarl at her, teeth bared in disgust. She shrugs. "He's annoying and stinks up the place. I'm glad he's gone."

Alice's petite frame is shaking in sobs. "Why didn't I see?" she whispers hollowly, bundled against Jasper's chest for support. He's embracing her, but staring at Jake's frozen form as though it holds the key to his questions. Then he meets my searing gaze, and promptly looks down again.

"Because you can't see Nessie or Jake," he whispers. She shakes her head. In a way, she can; she blames herself partially. And partially…

Then I realize.

"Why didn't you stop it?" I demanded angrily. "Jasper, look at me!"

Everyone except Rosalie stiffens, turns to him. Glaring back at us, he asks icily, "Why didn't any of you?"

"Because it wasn't our fight to interrupt," Edward snaps, his hold on me tightening like a protective clasp.

"Oh, stop!" Esme pleads, her soft voice quaking. "We're family; we mustn't fight!" Turning, she flits down the stairs, probably to call Carlisle at the hospital.

Oh, how could such a superb, normal day turn into such a nightmare so soon? So quickly?

Rosalie

Huzzah, the wicked dog is dead. Huzzah, the wicked dog is dead!

You know, he'd be a great doormat. Or taxidermy. Yeah. I'd get a kick out of seeing that jerk smiling stupidly at me from the doorpost. Or from our bed frame. Emmett would love that.

Esme

Oh, this is so horrible. I wish everything could go back to the way it used to be: so wonderfully simple. No family disputes: harmony.

I rush into the kitchen, grabbing the phone and dialling for Carlisle. His authoritative, yet genteel voice answers at the first ring. "Hello, Dr. Carlisle Cullen speaking."

"Carlisle." My voice breaks in relief, his words warming my stone heart, the love I feel for him seeping through my frigid body. Every time I hear him it's like falling in love all over again.

"Esme?" His voice is alarmed at my weakened tone. "What's wrong, dear?"

"It's Jacob. Renesmee. Something's wrong. Come home." My hands are shaking, fumbling with the phone in my distress. "I love you," I add before hanging up.

"Love you too. I'll be there in a flash."

I set the phone down, smiling with relief. Carlisle can make miracles; he will be able to save Jake.

But the thought that bugs me the very most is this: Will he be able to save Nessie?

I may have been the only one who saw her broken visage, her absolute fear of herself. My poor dear, poor, poor sweet grand-daughter.

Emmett

Woot! That was a fight for the millennia! Hope Jake survives. I want to see more of that action in the future. Wonder if he'd fight me like that. I could sure use some competition…

_"Don't Emmett," _Edward snarls.

Party pooper.

_"Shut up, loser."_

Touché.

_"I mean it, Em. Not now."_

Whatever. Maybe later.

_"Ever, Emmett, got it? NEVER."_

What kind of blood is this dude on?

Alice

I'm so glad this is over, and I hope it never happens again. I can't believe Jasper didn't stop it.

I can't believe I didn't stop it.

"Alice," he whispers, his cool, sweet breathe tickling my ear. "Stop beating yourself up about it. You wouldn't have been able to change anything. It happened too fast."

I know. But for a vampire that can see the future that sounds more like an excuse.

Jasper

I don't understand the fuss. So, the girl lost a little but of control. So what? We all have. It's not like she killed him or anything. When Rosalie realized that, she seemed really put out.

I kind of like the guy. Glad he's going to stick around. I hope Nessie's alright. Maybe if she's feeling blue I can help her out a bit, show her it's not that large of a deal. Everybody's taking it like it's the end of the world.

I'd be more afraid for Nessie than him. She looked so sad when she pushed past us, trying to get away from her shame. I'm trying to understand.

But how can I when I've never hurt Alice? Maybe if I did I'd be able to understand her pain better… even that thought makes me angry at myself. If I ever hurt Alice, I'd kill myself.

Oh god.

I hope she's okay. I seriously hope she's okay.

Edward

Today was a disaster. I wonder if my daughter will be able to forgive herself. I admit, for a moment there, I thought SHE was the one in danger. I shouldn't have been so stupid. Any daughter of mine can take care of herself. Mind you, if she had been more like Bella, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess…

Talking about Bella, I hope she's okay. I know it killed her to stay out of our daughter's dispute. For a second, I wanted her to kill him, just so I won't feel jealous whenever I see them together, smiling dazzlingly; her doting on him more than her father, who's raised her best he could.

I just want her to be my innocent baby for a little while longer. However, I think that time has passed, along with her conviction that the relationship between her and Jacob is simple. I could read it in her eyes, wide with grief and hatred of self.

The very things I felt when I saw Bella slumped like a dead angel on the floor of the ballet studio so long ago. The very things people feel when they do something they detest to the one they love.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so intuitive.


End file.
